Audiobooks and classic radio shows, especially detective shows, are a favorite way to occupy my mind while my hands crochet, knit, darn in ends—you get the idea. Most of the radio shows on SiriusXM Classic Radio originally aired between the 1930s and 1960s, though there are outliers. You might be pleasantly surprised how often those shows refer to knitting and crochet.
I was darning in ends on last year’s Halloween projects, when the April 12, 1950 episode of Richard Diamond, Private Detective aired on Radio Classics (SiriusXM). The story opened with Richard Diamond waiting for clients—please, any clients—to show up at his office. His girlfriend Helen phones up. She calls him Dick.
They chat, and Dick says, “Remember when you said I ought to take up something to keep me busy in the office?”
Helen remembers, and he continues, “…you remember you mentioned knitting?”
She says, “Oh no!” You can tell she’s amused.
“Oh yes,” he says, “I’ve dropped more stitches than a cross-eyed surgeon.”
Helen is laughing by this time, and tells him she was only fooling about him learning to knit.
“Don’t laugh. I was making Francis a pair of screaming argyles,” he says. Francis is Helen’s butler.
“Keep with it, Strongheart,” she says. “You’ll win out.”
“You’re darn right I will. Oh…what I just said—’darn.’ Get it?” Dick says.
Helen got it, but didn’t think it was that funny. They make plans for the evening and hang up.
Dick gets back to his knitting, and like many knitters, talks to himself about it: “Now let’s see. I gotta take out one, two, three…five rows!”
Police lieutenant Walter Levinson calls. He’s a former colleague of Dick’s. Walt calls him Diamond. And that leads me to wonder if argyles were a sneaky reference to the name Diamond…get it? (Yes, of course you do, and I know I know, it wasn’t that funny. 🙂 ) Anyway, the powers that be told Walt he had better find the perpetrator of a string of murders or his job will be in jeopardy. He is not happy.
“You should see me!” says Diamond. “I’ve gotta take out five whole rows just to pick up one lousy stitch!”
Too bad Mr. Diamond didn’t know how to knit seamless argyles! Oh well, my seamless argyle workshop (now retired) and I were not even born yet. Here are some pics of student work from that workshop.
But Walt urgently needs his help, so Diamond agrees to come to the police station, “I’ll be down as soon as I finish this heel. If you must know, I’ve taken up knitting.”
Walt scoffs, and Diamond jokingly warns that Walt might rethink his remarks when the weather turns cold and he needs some handknitted socks or sweaters.
The case proceeds and is solved without further mention of knitting. Late that night, when Diamond shows up at Helen’s apartment, she counts as she laboriously stitches “knit one, purl two.” She is making him a gift.
The episode ends as usual with a song or two. Diamond starts with “There’s an Old Spinning Wheel in the Parlor.” Helen objects. He goes on to less sentimental songs, and finally to a little smooching.
The April 12, 1950 episode of Richard Diamond, Private Detective
was titled “The Butcher Killer.” The song “The Old Spinning Wheel” was composed by Billy Hall and published in 1933. You can find recordings and sheet music for the song online. ALERT—the song mentions a song by Stephen Foster about an old man named Joe.
